A whole new level of epic

Good morning Mr Saxon this is your early morning wake up call and by early we mean earllyyyy

Which is not what my PA told me yesterday morning as I don't have a PA but it would be cool if I did as that would mean I would be important and have money lots of money. It would also be cool if the PA was in the vein of pepper potts or Natasha romonov in the new Iron man 2 film. Quite why he needs a russian super spy as a PA I have no idea but I guess having a russian super spy really does mean that tony stark is the man who has everything and I'm sure I had a point before I started rambling. Oh right those words were the first thought that passed through my head as my alarm went off at 6am. Which means I now know that, this time on a Saturday morning does indeed exist and I will be more then happy if I don't see it again for a very, very long time.

Grumpy let me borrow his car for the day, a good thing as it turned out as it's more comfortable then mine to spend a long time in.

So after grabbing a quick breakfast I headed out to the RIAT or Royal International Air Tattoo 2009 at RAF Fairford where I would be meeting up with Engineseer who was over from Luxembourg ( if I've spelt that right)

Now I was keen to give irony or fate or who ever would want to cause me problems as I hadn't driven down to that part of the country before so I decided to so with the most direct route with the least chance of screw ups, I know, I know I should really contemplate getting satnav.

Well despite my fears I actually stayed on course and made goodtime as probably most of the sane people were still in bed.

However it was when I got to a little village just five miles away from RAF fairford on the main route there I ran into a traffic jam. By this point it was around 8.20 now I had been expecting some traffic.

Now I say some, however what I got was epic and I mean epic! I have never been in a traffic jam like that before and would be more then happy never to get stuck in one like it again. It took me one hour to get from one end of the village to the other.

However the radio ( the airshow is so big it has it's own radio station) continued to say that the routes were moving and we should all get there in time for the start of the flying at 10am.

They were rather wrong.

by 9.15am I'm starting to wonder if I would have time to run into a shop, buy a paper, drink and sweeties and get back to the car before the traffic moves too much.

By the time 9.20am rolled around I was just getting to the other side of the village, feeling slightly concerned, my feet sore from the constant clutch control that the slow moving traffic entailed but also feeling amused by the sight of a general store called arkwrights. The radio continued to assure us that the traffic was moving well and that it was only fourty minutes from the shell garage to the airfield car park on the route I was on. So I was sure I would see said garage any second.

By 10am the traffic reports were no longer sounding so optomistic and they were slowly starting to admit that all routes were jammed. The flying was starting but they were going to go over to the obeservation team who would tell everyone what was happening and thanking us for our patience. Just what a lot of people stuck in a traffic jam want to hear, what their missing in great detail!

By 10.20am I had finished my water and the choclate bar I had in the car and was starting to switch between CD's in a rapid fashion trying to find some songs I hadn't listened to before or at least had skipped over The roar of the engines in the distance was making things seem much longer.

by 10.40am I was starting to get jealous of the people in the car in front because as there were two of them they could keep switching drivers and I watched as they switched for the third time, whilst trying to flex my feet as much as possible to try and get some feeling back.

At 10.45am I finally saw the shell garage and was pleased to see a sign saying I was only a mile from the airfield. But the radio said it would still be fourty minutes and the lady doing the traffic sounded on the verge of tears as she said they had been recieving lots of texts about the situation. No doubt not very nice ones.

by 10.50am I saw the first people start to leave their cars and walk down the traffic obivously intending to get their quicker their drivers staying with the cars to allow at least some of their party to get their quicker. I looked around at the empty car and wondered if I should ring someone at least to have a chat to pass the time.

10.55am. I dismissed the idea of ringing someone and instead started to sing along tunelessly to a now 44 albulm wondering if I'm starting to go insane and if I will ever get feeling back in my legs and back.

10.59am. Bought back to reality when I realise I'm starting to sing along to Aquas barbie girl.

11am. It's now four and a half hours since I started driving and almost three hours since I ran into the traffic I'm still inching forward in the worlds slowest rolling traffic jam. I'm now hearing the third top of the hour news bulletin and to add insult to injury I'm now under the flight path. I can hear the planes but can't see them thanks to tall trees. I'm also starting to really detest the women reading the traffic, this route is not moving well!

11.10am. Catch first glimpse of airfield.

11.15am. Traffic starts to speed up, hello second gear how I've missed you.

11.20am. Reach gate to airfield.

11.25am. Reach check queue for the car park.

11.30am. Reach car park and park the car 5 hours after I set off. I manage to exit the car on rather woberly legs at this point and possibily look like the worlds biggist idiot as I shaje my arms and legs about trying to get feeling back.

11.45am. after a epic hike across the car park I clear security and finally enter the air field to meet up with Engineseer.