I've been sitting here yet again struggling to think of something to write but the words just haven't been coming. Today has just seemed like a groundhog day in the extreme and I just seem to be having them far too often at present.
It's probably not helping that I still have this bug and it's just seems to be draining my energy something cronic right now and of course when I get low on energy I tend to lie around doing a lot of thinking and when I start thinking I start wondering and when I start wondering I usually end by brooding and when I'm brooding I can start to feel depressed and when I'm depressed I feel low on energy and the whole entertaining little cycle starts again.
Sorry, I know I'm not being my usual 'Happy' self today.
I think part of the problem right now is that I've not got a 'project' for want of a better term to keep my full attention. Yes Top secret project one is still on the go and I still do my painting but I've got to a point now where neither of them are stretching me too much right now and that's bad because if I don't have something to keep my attention I do tend to brood big time. So I'm trying to think of a new project which will tie into one of my interests or something new which will keep my attention. Any suggestions anyone?
I suppose if I'm honest my dejected mood right now is also down to the amount of couples that seem to be around right now both at work and YSA wise. Don't get me wrong I'm happy for all of them and glad they have relationships, it justs highlights the fact that I don't have one. Which I know is again an example of me being sad and brooding on things I shouldn't do but that's what happens if I have too much time to myself to 'analyise things'.
Oh well as they say these things are sent to try us and I'll just have to keep plodding along even though the road seems all too long right now with no goal in sight...........
Wow I really am feeling sorry for myself right now aren't I? I really need to shake this cough and cold so I can shake this brooding and feeling of no energy.
Either that or take a stupidly large amount of sugar and caffine every day until the bug goes away.
Later folks!
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7 comments:
I would lovingly suggest you ask yourself some serious questions about your career choice. You make it clear that shaking off your single status is very important to you.
Your current job barely funds your current lifestyle. Could you support a home of your own + wife and children with your current salary? Are there any opportunities that may come your way in the not too distant future in the company that will pay you a salary that will make this possible? If the answer to these questions is a resounding no, maybe it's time to think about letting go of something you like doing in order to find a path that will help you find what you say matters most to you.
The right kind of girl should love you for who you are but she will also be looking for guy who has the capacity to provide for a family and the desire to do it. I believe if you work on making yourself more independent, good things will happen.
I'd urge you to prayerfully condsider this. I can think of few things I could suggest that would be a more valuable use of your time.
While anonymous has a good suggestion, that being prayerfully considering your choices for the future, I wanted to commiserate with you. Having been/being in a similar situation, there is no worse feeling than feeling stagnant. Including the death of my mother. Stagnation, whether real or imagined, is the most soul-sucking situation to be in AND it quickly becomes difficult to have the energy to find alternatives. Other than winning the lottery or something. I found an alternative that worked for me and that I am currently enjoying more than I thought possible. BUT it took 3 or 4 years for it to come to fruition and a lot of those 3 or 4 years were plagued by feeling stagnant and watching those I loved move on all around me. Which makes the experience even worse. So know that you aren't just imagining ills or succumbing to boredom. It is a real feeling, especially when you aren't experience the huge mile markers of life (esp. LDS life). But do know the Lord is looking out for you and has a plan for you. As long as you keep those lines of communication open, you'll be able to move forward. Sometimes all it takes is time, which is the hardest thing of all.
Thank you for your comments anonymous. I am intrigued as to who you are as you obivousily feel you know me well enough to comment on what I earn even though I've never said exactly what I earn ion here, believe that I am unable to support a home of my own, make reference to things I could do that would be a more valuable use of my time yet you don't want to leave your name.
Thank you Scully. I didn't mean to mope on but I was just feeling a bit low yesterday
Please please please read "The Rules of the Game" by neil strauss
Its £3.99. and if it doesnt totaly change your situation in 30 days then, well, all you've lost is 3.99.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Rules-Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/1847672523/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1223462887&sr=8-1
if you dont get this book then you are crazy. its so fun.
I'll look it up drat
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