Okay… Now even I’m confused

Right so Mum has now gone off on Holiday for two weeks after asking me not to tell Grumpy where she had gone or to play ‘dumb’ if he asked me if I knew where she was because she didn’t want him knowing and getting annoyed that she was going off on holiday. Yet this morning she called him to tell him she was on holiday for the next two weeks in Devon. So yes you can probably pretty much guess grumpys reaction to this bit of news. I just really don’t understand why she asked me to lie in the first place if she was just going to ring up and tell him anyway. Maybe she did change her mind and decided to tell him. Maybe she intended to all along, or maybe she just realised that disappearing for two weeks then coming back and only telling him then would be much worse. I don’t know but if the pair of them are going to continue doing things like this I wish they would just leave me out of this, as I don’t want to lie to either of them or be dragged into the crossfire yet again.

Well it was the ward barbecue last night. Interesting side note that it’s the first barbecue I’ve ever been too that I never got a burger. I’m not sure what happened there, it was either there was too little food or there was just an underestimation as to how long it would take to cook all the food. There was a fair queue of people waiting to get food ‘hot’ of the barbecue. J, J and R turned up along with T’s mum although T was staying at home to get some work on their garage done. J had a great time and stayed with us when the others headed home. The only problem was we got him home about half an hour after we say we would, which was mainly in part to the car getting blocked in and having to find the owner so they could move it. We left fairly early because grumpy was going out. The downside to this early exit was I didn’t get a chance to speak to any of the other YSA there as they were all deep in conversation with other people and most of my time was spent looking after Jacob who just wanted me to help him with loads of things. I got the car washed as well by the young women as they were washing cars to raise money for their camp. They did a very good job for £3.50.

Strangely enough the theme of not being able to talk to most of the YSA carried through to this morning as well. C was talking with CP then disappeared. I was only able to talk to SW and E briefly, same with Nemesis as well. Mainly because Nemesis seemed to up and vanish off the face of the earth at the end of the meeting. Although she did make some comment about reading ‘how things were on my blog’. Or words to that effect it was quite noisy in the chapel and I couldn’t hear her that well. Which well it got me thinking. Since institute finished I haven’t been as ‘in’ with the YSA on activities as I was being, mainly because when they are up to something Grumpy has usually nabbed the car (wouldn’t mind if he paid for petrol more). Which is annoying because I was starting to really feel as I was ‘in’ with the group’ So is it a case I’m only really communicating with some of them through my blog? Rather then being round them enough to talk in person?

If it is that, then it feels like a slip backwards to the bad old days, which at the time although I wasn’t what you could call completely happy with being ‘cut off’ from the other YSA, I could cope with it, and after thinking it made me realise I would never be happy with something like that again, ever. In fact even thinking along those lines felt terrifying. Institute starts again in just over a month and maybe things will feel better then because at least there will be one night a week when I know I’ll have a ‘night out’ of the house and I will be mixing with the other YSA. But it’s contemplating the time in between that’s making me feel uneasy. Maybe I am over thinking things and things are nowhere near as bad as I think but this is the trouble when your thoughts trundle off in a particular direction. You come up with answers and possibilities that you really, really don’t want. Any being in the particular frame of mind that I’m in at the moment I suppose really, really doesn’t help.

But anyway I don’t want to depress you anymore so later!