hmmmmmmmmmm. I 'm thinking the big thoughts, this is never good

Well with the house to myself this weekend and most of the YSA off doing other things I has little to do with myself apart from think on things and that's never a good thing.

My thoughts again turned to the situation with Jinx, I know, I know I shouldn't have but when things really upset me I have a tendency to dwell on them and just not be able to let them go ( It's a weakness I know). Well there are two explanations to this situation neither of them good. The first explanation is that she's outright lying, she knows that people if they heard the full story would probably come down on my side as she doesn't want that to happen. So she came up with what she thought was a story that would give the impression that she had the justification to end the friendship. Not a especially nice story mind you which paints me in a horrible, horrible light.

Second explanation, she misinterpreted something and what she said happened, happened but in a totally different way to which she perceived it( I think that's happened to everyone at least once, you percieve a event in a totally different way to what actually happened) and she failed to talk to me about it and she considered this the end to the friendship even though it was nearly a year and a half later that we reached the point I considered the 'end of the friendship.

Neither of these options are especially nice but to be honest I would much prefer the first option to be true rather then the second. Because if the second is true it means she used me far worse then I could even have imagined back then and I never really knew her at all because I could never have imagined her doing something so mean and quite frankly nasty. But on the plus side if this is true at least I didn't know at the time otherwise it might have put me into a even worse spin!

I think I surprised The girl who brought this to my attention with my reaction. From what she said I don't think that she thought that it would bother me/upset me like it did. Although to be honest based on the story jinx told her I find it hard to believe that she didn't think it would bother me in the slightest. This girl told me I was being childish and should let it go when I got upset. When I pointed out I hard let it go and considered it to be in the past and she bought it up, she then claimed that wasn't her fault! Well I could go on and on to explain the rest of the conversation but suffice to say the conversation went round and round and round! I suppose the best can be said it's a great case study as to why choosing to be the messenger with bad news is always a bad idea!

I suppose thinking about it my luck with friends hasn't been all that good, historically speaking. There was one from primary school who liked to jump off the roof, there was AP who well unfortunately what happened there that was my fault as I gave into peer pressure. There was RM who quite frankly turned high school into a nightmare. We were so glad that a 'cool person' had joined our group we never thought to question why a 'cool' person had decided to join our group. By the time High school had ended he inflicted far too much damage on our groups friendships for them ever to be repaired. There was jinx and DR of course. There was also my time in youth as well. I know it sounds horrible to say but I didn't have a goodtime in youth, it's hard to remember anything good but in my defence the bad stuff does tend to outweigh the good in memory terms. It's kind of hard to forget the moment when all of the young women marched into the young mens meeting room and announced that they had voted and decided that only one of us was worthy enough to marry any of them. The rest of us should get used to being alone. Kind of knocks the confidence. However I know this story paints the girls in a slightly bad light so i suppose it's only fair to say in their defence that they were mainly influenced by one girl who was the ringleader and to be honest at that time the main troublemaker. There was not a lot of love lost between the Young men and Young women during my time in youth!

At uni however my luck did start to change, well after the jinx incident and I made some really, really good wonderful friends. Problems did start again though when I came back home at the end of uni. The problem was mainly that I had gone to uni roughly about three weeks after my 18th Birthday, I hadn't had time to do anything YSA related. So even though I did know the YSA they had, had nearly three years of 'bonding' as ysa I hadn't and after the closeness of having so many friends nearby after Uni it was a really shock to the system and to be honest it was the one time I have ever come closest to just giving up on the church. It just hurt too much coming time after time and just standing there hoping someone would talk to me. But hey things started to change and get better and as the saying goes " I'm still here" churchwise I mean and I guess thats the most important thing when alls said and done.

later!