Saturday, September 03, 2011

National YSA Conference 2011 Sunday afternoon " Put down your burdens"

I went back to the conference centre and joined phoenix and the gang for the first workshop, which was once again back in the theatre which meant another session of learning forward in my chair trying to stay awake.

The second workshop was by Bro H, which prompted a lot of keen interest from people as not only was it called “ Dating A Light hearted look at a serious subject” which meant you already knew it was going to be good, but Sis H was also going to be taking the workshop as well.

It started off very well, with all of Bro H’s trademark humour and advice for dating, even if he used one girl he knew as a case “example” for want of a better term. The rest of us might have found it funny but the girl in question looked like she was praying. Not for strength or guidance mind you, more for the ground to promptly open up and swallow her.

Then talk turned to RM’s which are which point I starting I silently asked for us not to go down that route, not then, not that moment. He then challenged all of the Rm’s to ask a girl out on a date that very day. I was just keeping it together with a dose of black humour of “ oh well at least that gets me out of that challenge” when he shared a quote from a prophet. Now I can’t remember the exact quote, or even which prophet except that it was a very early one, but the quote was something along the lines of if someone is not married by the time that their 30, it means their unmarriable because there’s something spiritually not right or their not living up to their gospel commitments. Or words to that effect.

Which in my tied strung out state kinda felt like someone had just smacked me directly in the chest because having your own doubts and fears about what could be causing your failures, well you can cope with that but when you have something like from a general authority....

Well you kinda get the idea.

After the prayer was finished, I ( and there’s really no other word to describe it) bolted from the room feeling my usual iron grip on my emotions coming dangerously close to cracking. I went for a long walk before heading back to my room.

Now I would like to say that I dealt with things in a manly way and kept it together but then I would be lying. I did have a little mini bit of a breakdown.

But then I suddenly felt myself rally, there’s really no other word for it. I know I jokingly refer to having a inner mental voice sometimes, but at that moment I really did feel like I didn’t hear it in so many words, but more that I got a very strong feeling that seemed to speak to me loud and clear and that feeling was simple

“ Enough. .... You have to stop beating yourself up, you have to stop being so hard on yourself and your certainly going to do yourself no good sitting in here. “

Finding my spirits lifted and what felt like a weight from my shoulders, I went back to the conference centre to upload my photos to the person who was making the trailer ( feeling sure he would only use one or two) before heading back to the dining hall to grab dinner ( in fact I was the first one there.)

I left the dining hall to run smack back into Little Em who was hanging around outside enjoying the sunshine because as she was not officially at conference she couldn’t get any food.

So I spent the next 30 odd minutes having a very nice chat with her and catching up. She’s a fantastic listener and despite having over 2000 friends on facebook she always seem to be able to know each one personally, their problems and their successes no matter how long it’s been since she has last seen you.

We then had some more time to wait as the speakers for the evening fireside had been delayed. Once we got near the new start time of the fireside I wandered back over to the conference centre to find phoenix and co playing cards. Which was mildly amusing because it was simply so unexpected.

Now I was expecting to simply be able to come back all nice and quietly with my usual seemingly invisibleness. Which even thinking that shows I still have a whooollllleeeeee load to learn about Phoenix as not only had she clocked my rapid disappearing act she had also deduced exactly what had caused it. Which was a surprise to me as the last person who had been able to read me like that was Kitty back from my uni days. Still she had a few words of comfort which helped to cheer up my still rising spirits (which were recovering far quicker than I thought possible)

The fireside was fantastic as we had two speakers from our local seventy who were both brilliant.

Following the fireside it was time for the testimony meetings. Now I usually never go with intentions of getting up as I don’t like speaking in from of large groups of people as I get massively self conscious in a very short space of time.

And every year for at least the past three years I have found my heart pounding so hard in my chest it felt like it was going to fly right out of my chest. So I got in the queue ready to speak, imaging the great things I could say after six years of conference in manly confident way.

What I managed was less than half a sentence before the spirit completely overwhelmed me and I started to cry. Which strangely I didn’t find as embarrassing as I thought I would do. I can’t remember what I said precisely but I do remember exiting the stage pretty darn quickly when I finished to rejoin phoenix and gang.

Even thought my forte is in writing not speaking I still find it hard to put into words what I felt but it felt like something was lifted from me in that instance, something which I didn’t know I was carrying was finally lifted away and as I didn’t need to carry it any longer, or even that I should have been carrying it to begin with.

As the testimony meeting finished I found myself slightly agreeing with the closing prayer with all my heart and mentally adding a silent word of thanks for all of the friends that six years of convention attendance had bought me.


Nemesis said...

Sounds like it was a rollercoaster of a day! Am glad there were some great highs to offset the lows.

Now . . . here is the part where I may say something slightly sacrilegious, so feel free to ignore. And this is nothing against Brother H, whom I very much respect and love. But here goes . . .

All prophets and apostles, no matter how righteous and inspired they are, were products of their own time and culture. If you look back you can find the best of them saying things (about science, race, other religions, etc.) that just would not be acceptable today. So I think the prompting you received was dead-on: Please do not beat yourself up over something that some random said 150 years ago that doesn't accurately reflect you, your situation, or the world you live in. That statement may be true for some people, but there is no WAY that it is true for everyone. I myself married a man dangerously close to (gasp) 30, and the only reason he was still single was because we hadn't met yet. Once we did, he put his shoulder to the wheel and wore me down. :-)

You are a good man, my friend.

Drat said...

Ahh Saxon, That stuff about being 30 and not married. That must have been harsh mate.

You should think on the good side. At least you are waiting for the right person.

Think how many people we know from school who are the same age as us (30) and ended up splitting up because they got together too soon.

I bet at least 40% of our classmates are single, unmarried, or split from a partner.

Even if you did meet a perfect girl that very day, you'd probably want to spend at least a couple of years getting to know one another and all that.

You shouldnt let the pressure get to you. I know its important to your religion, but you do everything else so well. You always help out and get involved with stuff. So, just because you are not yet married, its only a small aspect, you do everything else so well, Im sure that makes up for it. No one is perfect!

My little brother had a kid with one girlfriend when he was 18, and another kid with his next girlfriend a few years later. Now he's split from both their mums. I bet he wishes he waited till he was 30 (or more) before he got in too deep.

Just relax about it. You will meet the right person, you just have to get out there and find them mate.

I still think you should go to america and find a hot american girl. USA accents are sexy, and they love brits! I think you would be well in.

You should pay 10% in Teithing (or however you spell it) and another 10% in "Get saxon a girlfriend" fund!!! That would be EPIC!

chin up mate, and all your blog-fans think you are doing a great job!!!


Saxon said...

I wouldn't dare ignore anything you ever had to say Nemesis :-)

But in all seriousness your comments were a very nice way to start the day as I read them before going to church.

Thank you so much.

Saxon said...

Drat, you never fail to make me smile with your comments and your idea for a get saxon a girlfriend fund is fantastic. I might suggest it next week to the Bishop.

He would probably see the funny side though. Maybe I should suggest it to one of the councilors instead who doesn't my sense of humour. That might be a lot more fun :-)

and your point about what has happened to our classmates it well made. I had noticed that :-)

Scully said...

I'm a bit behind, but may I just say "Amen" to Miss Nemesis and add that what has been said by contemporary prophets and apostles about their second wives who were single into their 50s and the calling of of singles over 30 to general auxiliary presidencies kind of nullifies that quote. Also, UGH!

Saxon said...

Thank you Scully.

and also for the best summing up ever "ugh!"