Wednesday, October 24, 2007

If a joke wasn't funny the first time it's sure as heck not funny on the 80th time!

Well Grumpy went in for a operation yesterday on his eye. Fortunately it was a (relatively) quick operation so he came home the same day. However he had to wear a eye shield and will have to use it at night for the next four weeks or so. So queue lots of jokes about how " You should have seen the other guy" not that funny at first it;s getting progressively worse as he keep using the same joke, over and over and over again.......

Well it's institute again tonight. The Eternal marriage course is interesting (when it's not being depressing :-) but, well it's kind of hard to explain really. There's a very serious sombre mood to the class. I don't know if this is down to the content or that the people who had the most , well for want of a better term, forthright opinions aren't in the class (MA and bosslady) anymore or don't come (social) so the lessons tend to stay on track.

My computers currently at PC world repair at the moment. I went to turn it on on Saturday and well it didn't. Turn on that is. When I dropped it off the guy had a quick look and thinks it's one of two things. Either it's the graphics card which they can't fix as they no longer sell that kind of graphics card or can order them in. Or it's the motherboard which in his words wouldn't be worth repairing. The darn things barely a year and half old. This would happen after the flipping warranty ran out wouldn't it? As you may guess I am hoping for it to be the graphics card as I should just be able to scrape enough money together to get that repaired. if it's the other one well there's no chance of me getting enough money together to get a new computer for quite sometime.If that happens c'est la vie I guess. Doesn't stop it sucking anyless.

YSA were very thin on the ground on Sunday. too thin as it turns out as we were supposed to be having a fireside that evening at the bishops but so few people were going it was called off. Ooops.

oh well,


Friday, October 19, 2007

Tis the season to be icey

Well it's that time of year again. Yep, time to look for those cans of de-icer and scrabble around in the garages frantically looking for scrapers and windscreen covers. Yes we've had the first frosts of the winter season, which I'm fairly sure is early this year. Well they said that we're supposed to get a cold winter this year, maybe this is a early sign of it. Who knows. Anyway I guess I better hunt out my winter coat and gloves. Frostbite, not a good look :-)

Well institiute wasn't as depressing as last way in one way at least. However it was quite a 'heavy' lesson as it were as it was about the law of chastity. It is interesting how the class dynamic is changing as a lot of the more 'forthright' shall we say characters have left ( MA, Boss Lady and so on)or just don't come anymore (social). More importantly however I got to see the third new YSA student. She does exist! I was starting to wonder if she was one of the five cylons myself as she was always talked about but never seen. I didn't get to talk to her mind you as she left after the first class as she got a lift home with cordelia. So I guess the next thing will be to actually get a chance to talk to her. As Engineseer put it, one step at a time :-)

Well after the class it was time for another magical mystery tour as the plan was to go to McDonalds. Keen to avoid a repeat of Engineseers magical mystery tour we agreed on a definite mcdonalds to go to before we left. However as the others were using leciester places names we had no knowledge of, we followed their lead and ended up going to a mcdonalds on the far side of Leicester. Which makes at least six mcdonalds in Leicester if I've got that right. EP was in the first car, with one car behind her, then me and the remaining people behind me. Unfortuantely we lost her and the first car at some traffic lights and they disappeared over the horizon. So that left me at the front of the convoy with the one person who knew where she was going behind me and engineseer and his satnav behind her. So I just kept going and hoped I was going in the right direction. Fortunately by more luck then judgement I was going in the right direction and found EP pulled over to one side of the road about a mile and half down the road. ( she claimed however she had pulled over straight away when she realised we had lost her. doesn't explain the distance mind you ). So with her at the front we managed to get there .

On the way home I followed Engineseer as I didn't have a clue where I was. I guess Satnav does have it uses sometimes ( See Engineseer, I've finally admitted it)



Thursday, October 18, 2007

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. - Kristen, age 10


(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. - Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. - Freddie, age 6


(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. - Derrick, age 8


(1) Both don't want any more kids. - Lori, age 8


(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age 8

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. - Martin, age 10


(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -Craig, age 9


(1) When they're rich. - Pam, age 7

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. - Curt, age 7 (Good Point)

(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. - Howard, age 8


It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. - Anita, age 9


(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favourite is........
(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. - Ricky, age 10

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

I would say he's getting old but then again he's always been like this

Well after a hard day at work and a nightmare of a journey trying to get home. Seriously it took me a hour and half to get home from work last night. It's flaming stupid. I can get into the stake centre in Leicester directly from work quicker then it takes me to get home some nights. I decided I was going to take it easy. Admit ally sometimes I can be so laid back when taking it easy I'm walking horizontal, but I was in a real couldn't be bothered to do much kinda mood.

Of course that was my first mistake, planning to have a easy evening. I should have seen what was coming a mile off.

I enter the house to immediately trip over the exercise bike that grumpy has in the kitchen. In my efforts to avoid falling face first onto the kitchen floor I managed to smash my other foot into the sharp corner of the back door right on the top of my foot in the most painful place possible. Cue lots of language that properly would have earned me a few nasty looks from other YSA as I proceeded to hop around the kitchen.

After finally managing to make it through the kitchen I discovered that grumpy in a effort to be helpful had got some washing in from the tumble dryer. Unfortunately he had proceeded to dump it on a big pile of his washing which meant all of our socks had become mixed up.

So after dinner where I reminded of the fact that own brand chicken pieces might be cheaper but they also taste awful I had to spend ages sorting socks out. Yeah I'm in at night sorting socks. My social life rocks doesn't it? ( that's rhetorical by the way)

Grumpy then proceeds to start moaning about the dining room and wanted me to do some cleaning up right then and there. So while I was doing that he started his usual grumbles about me having so many books. I pointed out that I could do with a new bookcase. He claimed that there wasn't enough room for one with all the books on the floor, I replied that if I had another bookcase there wouldn't be any books on the floor. He responded that if I didn't have so many books I wouldn't need another bookcase. Which to be honest was a bit hard to argue with. I'm still trying to think of a good come back. Any suggestions? (this isn't rhetorical by the way)

While I was finishing the tidy up, He wandered back into the room and the conversation went roughly along those line;
Him: " Where did you right those details down for the tree surgeons?"
me: " When their coming? It's next Tuesday"
him: " No the name"
me: "the name?"
him: " Yes I need to know who called back so I can let them know I wouldn't be
me" Who called back? Did you call multiple tree surgeons? I didn't write it down as I didn't
think you would be silly enough to call multiple ones at the same time "
him:" I Did not call multiple tree surgeons, as if I would do anything that
me" Oh, sorry"
him: " I only called one....... I've just forgot which one"

I would say it's old age messing with his memory but it's always been like this.

Finally after finishing the dining room, it was time to do the washing up. Argghhhhh...... By the time I got that finished I realised it would probably be a bad idea to go up and read on my bed as I would probably fall straight to sleep. So I decided to jump on the internet instead.

After visiting facebook I was pleasantly surprised to find a message from someone I knew at college and I haven't seen in nearly ten years. She had sent me her msn name so I added her to my list and she was online so we started chatting, about life, what we had been up to etc. She had been having problems with her latest relationship. and said that I didn't want to hear about it. I told her it was fine and she could talk about it if she wanted and would could compare our equal screwed up or lack of love life's. She laughed and said I didn't need to joke with her to make her feel better. I asked her what she meant and she said that she remembered that I had been a good guy at school and said she was sure that they were queuing up" to date me. I explained that chance would be a fine thing at the moment and she seemed so surprised that she then asked my favourite question in the whole, whole wide world
" Why are you still single?"
My initial response? Don't you start. at which point she realised that she had had probably hit a nerve and that we should move the conversation on. Which we did. I think I'll refer to her as T.E.C in future. ( if any of you tell me where that codename comes from I'll be very impressed, and it not a bad codename either).

I saw the new Britney spears video last night. It's really quite sad. She's very pretty anyway, dressing up as a pole dancer is really, really not a good look for her.

Jericho has started being shown on ITV4. It's really good, (so far at least). Talking of TV apparently there is a Mormon character in the new series of House. Although I've not heard good things about one scene he appears in. I'll come back to that another time.

Well it's institiute tonight. Hopefully this lesson won't be as depressing as last weeks one. We can but hope.

So say we all.


Monday, October 15, 2007

Invasion of the Car Parking space snatchers

Well I got a bit of a surprise when arriving at church yesterday. There were cars in the car park, ( no that wasn't the surprise that there were cars in the car park) a lot of cars. I had to go to the far end of the Car park and even then I managed to get one of the last spaces in the overflow section. Of course then the inevitable happened. People drove in and parked at the end of the overflow section blocking me in, and then they started to back up in the car park, parking 'down the middle' of the car park blocking everyone else in. I already had a feeling that there would be some frayed tempers come 'hometime' as people tried to find other people to shift their cars.

Engineseer and I entered the chapel ( he had arrived moments after me and got the last 'proper' space in the carpark) to find there was no space anywhere. We ended up at the back of the lounge section. Who was responsible for this mass invasion of people? Why it was down to cordelia! Well not all Cordelia, rather her extended family as her nephew was getting blessed so the whole family had come to visit. Also Bro M Mcr was released as 1st counsellor in the Bishopric. D K was moved up to 1st from 2nd and the new 2nd is a American guy who moved into the ward fairly recently. It was also fast Sunday as well which is very odd considering we're halfway through the month. But then again we did have general conference last week and yesterday was only the second Sunday in the month.

I didn't get to meet the third new YSA as she wasn't there again. She's like maris in Fraiser. She's always talked about but you never see her. Well maybe it happens when students come in threes. It happened at uni for me. There were two of us who went to the local ward and a third who always went home so you never saw her. In fact I don't think she ever met anybody from the ward at uni ever. So maybe it's always the third student that you never see? Perhaps? Hmm what happens if you ever get to 6?

Well most people were able to get out of the carpark pretty well at the end of church. Apart from Social who managed to get herself stuck good at proper. After watching her I went in search of Engineseer to help her out. Her took one look at the situation and was able to guide her out in under a minute. I'll refrain from making jokes .

I went on LDS linkup the other day and had a look at the new additions to the site. One guys headline was as follow

" If you were gas in my butt I would never fart for fear of loosing you for ever"

Words really, really fail me. If that ever works for that guy as a chat up line I will probably go insane on the spot and then spend the rest of time sitting in the corner gibbering away to myself trying to figure out how a muppet like that can get a girl and not me.

There's a new programme on ITV 3 at the moment which is causing a bit of hoo har. It stares Billie piper who used to be in Doctor who. Several people have complained saying ot contains lots of graphic scenes. The name of the program? "The Secret diary of a call girl". I think anybody should be able to guess from that title that it's going to contain graphic scenes. anyone who doesn't is probably too young to be watching anyway. ( not that, that ever stops anyone)



Friday, October 12, 2007

Kids today. Got no culture

We recently, well last Friday to be exact had a Friday Forum in Leicester. Not that I'm being biased in anyway as it was run by Engineseer but it was one of the more memorable and good Friday forums I've been to in a while. Bro H goal was that we get forty people from Leicester to attend. Unfortunately we didn't make that goal as out of five stakes there was only thirty people full stop (apparently there was a dance on in Northampton). Refreshments were good even if somehow they ended up serving soup in paper bowls. After the activity I was talking with midwife and Aspiring Angel. We were gathered around Engineseers laptop as it was the source of the music. The girls were looking through Engineseers list of songs with great interest and surprise to be honest at some of his songs. I mentioned that there was Fraggle rock on there somewhere. Angel was delighted at that prospect but midwife just looked blank and asked
" Fraggle what?" At which point myself and Angel burst into a rendition of Fraggle rock, which did nothing to enlighten midwife any further. In fact she looked even more confused and worried that both Angel and I had finally lost completely. " Fraggle what?" Kids today. No culture whatsoever :-)

Institute was as fun as ever, if only for some very memorable Lines. As we waited for Bro H to arrive we were talking about having to put tables up. Cordelia piped up " Ah, putting tables up, that takes me back to my student days" in a tone that you more expected to hear come from a resident of a rest home not a YSA class. At which point I replied " Hmm, that would be all of two months ago?" " umm yes" She replied in that soft tone of hers when she realises she's just said something silly.

We then noticed that for a lesson on dating standard somehow the class ration of boys to girls was somewhat skewed. In fact it was three to one. I pointed this out to Engineseer and we were both a bit worried. Boys outnumbering girls at YSA. that never happens! Well both Cordelia and Midwife said they didn't mind. In fact midwife stated " This is great, it's like reverse polygamy" . which set me and Engineseer off into a fit of giggles.

Engineseer opened the class mentioning the fact it was midwifes birthday on Sunday, at which point she announce that she would be twenty and had been 'left on the shelf'. I couldn't help but laugh at that comment, if only for the thought of what Nemesis's reaction would have been to a 19 year old (at that point at least) claiming she had been left on the shelf.

Well the lesson was as depressing as I had feared it would be. We were spilt into two groups, guys and girls and had to come up with a list of attributes we looking for in a 'partner'. Of course everything they listed off I felt applied to me ( this isn't a lack of modesty on my part or being big headed) which was depressing and of course right near the top of the list " Must be RM". which made me even more depressed. in fact when I mentioned this at home grumpy asked " So does that mean you never going to get married? You should leave the church then you can get married" This prompted a very uneasy silence between us for the rest of the night as I wasn't sure if he was joking or not and I didn't want to get dragged into one of 'those conversations. and I think he was worried he had really upset me and didn't want get to get drawn into a argument either. Both of us seem to have settled on a " Discretion is the better part of valour" train of thought and haven't mentioned it since. In face that lesson made so depressed I actually got a strict ( well for him) telling off from Engineseer for being too pessimistic. Which considering how pessimistic I really am I must have really been down in the dumps.

that reminds me I have changed my signature on the forums at work to
"I'm a optimistic Pessimist. I'm absolutely sure that the worst is about to happen. "

Well myabe I'll get to see the mysterious 3rd new YSA on Sunday. Reality or myth. does she really exist? Stay tuned!


Saw this in the news today

( this refers to a story I posted back on the 21st September)

A legislator who filed a lawsuit against God has gotten something he might not have expected: a response.

State Sen. Ernie Chambers of Omaha said he sued God last week to make a point about frivolous lawsuits.

One of two court filings from "God" came Wednesday under otherworldly circumstances, according to John Friend, clerk of the Douglas County District Court in Omaha.

"This one miraculously appeared on the counter. It just all of a sudden was here -- poof!" Friend said.

State Sen. Ernie Chambers of Omaha sued God last week, seeking a permanent injunction against the Almighty for making terroristic threats, inspiring fear and causing "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants."

Chambers, a self-proclaimed agnostic who often criticizes Christians, said his filing was triggered by a federal lawsuit he considers frivolous. He said he's trying to make the point that anybody can sue anybody.

Not so, says "God." His response argues that the defendant is immune from some earthly laws and the court lacks jurisdiction.

It adds that blaming God for human oppression and suffering misses an important point.
"I created man and woman with free will and next to the promise of immortal life, free will is my greatest gift to you," according to the response, as read by Friend.

There was no contact information on the filing, although St. Michael the Archangel is listed as a witness, Friend said.

A second response from "God" disputing Chambers' allegations lists a phone number for a Corpus Christi law office. A message left for that office was not immediately returned Thursday.

Attempts to reach Chambers by phone and at his Capitol office Thursday were unsuccessful

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

and we're back on the air. again

well just when you thought it was safe to go back on the internet, I've reappeared. Yes I know it's been a rather long while since I posted. To be honest with a lack of comments it was starting to feel like I was simply doing a high tech form of talking to myself. But hey at the end of the day I realised this is still fun to-do even if most people don't leave comments. and yes I'm looking at YOU!

Well it's institute tonight. The eternal marriage course lesson will be fun. It's dating standards tonight, so yet another occasion to list all of the things I think I do, match up against what girls say they like, find out they all match, then spend the rest of the evening wondering why I'm single. Mind you what hasn't helped is B McR ( smooths sister) getting engaged. She's only just come into YSA. Hmm I hope that doesn't make Nemesis depressed. Anyway the lessons have been quite quiet and serious. I expect thats due to social not coming anymore. Still not sure whats going on there.

Anyhow, Loughborough YSA managed to bag four that's right a might FOUR new students. Well to be honest it's technically only three as the fourth is a investigator who coming to uni here, but lets ignore that technicality shall we :-) It's two guys and two girls. Even if I have only met one of the guys and girls. The other girl seems to be of a elusive. Turning up after I'm gone or busy doing something at uni. Mind you I only have Engineseers and Cordelias word for it that there is a 2nd girl. Hmm maybe their winding me up or this is all part of some evil plan to drive me crazy. Sorry crazier.

One of the guys who has come to uni who shall henceforth be known as physics is actually the brother of a girl I met on LDS linkup called Samurai princess. Of course I had to double check I had the right guy with her first. I didn't want to walk up to him and ask if he was the brother of the Samurai Princess. If I had the wrong guy he might have thought I was crazy and we wouldn't have wanted him getting the right impression now would we :-)

My addiction to facebook has been helped by the computers in the canteen at work having facebook blocked. The web marshal now registers it as a 'obscene website'. I have no idea why, or to be honest maybe I do but lets not get into that now shall we.

We had a YSA FHE last week. I accidentally made Cordelia really happy for a moment, when she thought I meant Fraggle was moving back to Loughborough and was really depressed when I explained he wasn't. Mind you I don't know if the ward could handle that much geekyness at one time.

Travellers now up in cambridge, her brother JW is now married and living in Leicester and GW is about to go off on his mission. Bosslady is now married. Wow she's not coming back to the UK no one saw that coming ( the sarcasism filters they cannae take no more).

We saw Banana briefly on Sunday at general conference, which was really nice as we don't see that much of her anymore and it's not the same.. I got a lift with engineseer to the conference although I'm not sure how much he remembered of any conversations as he had been up until 3am at work with what sounded like the shift from hell. ( the life of a student I remember that well). The priesthood session was very good. One of the speakers was talking about how he had gone to a event that lots of other religions went to and the other leaders jokeingly called the show " Sheep stealing", everyone laughed and in the brief moment of silent before he started talking again we heard J Photoshops lad suddenely say loudly " I don't get it".which was quite sweet.

The Kid next door is getting worse. I think they'll be calling Supernanny any second. We had a local byelection recently which Labour won by 143 votes. Considering we're in a town of 12,000+ people thats not a especially large majority now is it :-)

anyway thats all for now, I've tried to name check so many people at least one will leave a comment.

won't they


oldies but goodies

1. Two blondes walk into a'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm forshorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are to high."

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream for that."

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'"That's like Tom Jones syndrome. 'Is it common? ' "It's not unusual."

13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, isthere anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down.""What? Because he's cross-eyed? ""No, because he's really heavy"

14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck
up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."

15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my Mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu?But I think its Colin.

19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!

20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let theother one off.

21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.'So that was nice."

22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"

23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect thatnumber to climb as digging continues into the night