Friday, October 10, 2008

More email Funnies

Or to put it another way times when you might feel inclined to use the odd swear word or two




Thursday, October 09, 2008

Random

One of the side benefits of my job is that the conversation can be even more random then usual. I mean there aren't many offices where you can go from having a conversation between people about whether a character from the latest piece of artwork is anatomically correct or looks like she has had surgery, to a conversation about reviews, to a conversation about painting, to a conversation about adverts, to a conversation with a visitor, then to a conversation about whether or not a photo someone just sent round as part of a 'joke email' is actually really and how that girl can wear that dress without it falling down.

But they weren't the most random conversations of the day, That honour belong to a conversation about me telling one of my co workers about how one of the students I gave a lift home last night starting berating me for the state of my car and somehow ended after someone else mishearing me with jokes about me buying a mail order bride and someone asking could I get him one at the same time and see if they would do a bulk discount!

It was one of those rather strange days.

In spades.

Which is rather a strange saying and I have no idea why I sued it...hmmm?? Where was I?

The new 'zombie drama' version of Big brother is just sounding better and better. Not only does Davina stay as herself and get bumped off, Former big brother housemates also make appearances as well. Oh I hope this means they get bumped off too! Either that or the zombies will just turn and shamble away to proove that they do have some taste :-)

Well it's the Friday Forum tomorrow. I hope it goes okay, but if it doesn't I guess I can always try and use the defence that I'm just the Liberian and it's all the class presidents fault. Not that we actually have a class president right now but I'll just hope however I'm claiming ignorance too doesn't know that.

anyway,

later folks!

The credit crunch hits Britain

Windows 2008
The new iphone
London 2012 with Stuart Hall

Does one want fries with that?

Do you think she didn't approve?


Email funnies 1



Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Gallent or stupid? Hard to say.

Trying to be a gentleman can have it's disavantages sometimes. With Friday forum fast approaching as Leicester still without a class president someone needs to conduct. EP asked if I could conduct as she gets nervous. Honestly she's not the only one but far from it for me to ignore the cry of a lady in distress. So thats right muggins here will be the one conducting and the one having to get up in front of several stakes worth of people. I'n not nervous at that prospect..... honest.

If anyone needs me I'll just be hiding under the desk hoping Friday never comes..

All joking asides however everything seems to be on track for the Friday forum to go great and we want it to being the last one and all. EP has also come up with a plan to have a 'proper' crystal dome involving lots of cuts strips of paper and several rather large fans.

It will be fun and probably enough to give any health and safety official nightmares :-)

Work was okay today, even if it took what seemed like a horendeously long time to drag myself out of bed this morning. As there was a national managers meeting on we had a lot of vistors coming through the office today. Which meant it was busy but it was fun. It's nice to be able to help people in person for a change as opposed to only speaking to them on the phone.

I had to bring three people back from instute tonight. I was dropping one of them off at JH's house where Nemesis used to live and I realised with a start the last time I was there was the night Nemesis left! My doesn't time fly?

Well only two more days to the weekend and one more day to the Friday forum. Lets hope everything goes okay. Especially as I'm in charge !

No pressure, no pressure at all.....

Now how much room is there under that desk?

later folks :-)

Anaylising Analytics

I’m aware that of my readership I have a vocal minority yet a silent majority.

How do I know this?

Why by the marvels of google analytics.

Of course analytics is more meant for websites rather then blogs but it’s still fun to read even if I have no idea what a lot of things mean.

So for example since I started using Google analytics I have had 3.506 visits from 47 countries.

In order the top ten countries for visitors are UK, USA, Luxembourg ( gee wonder who that is : - ), Canada, Australia, Ireland, Mexico, Spain, Colombia and Italy

Breaking down the UK into the top ten locations for visitors, Nottingham, London, Ilkeston, Leicester, Plymouth, Nuneaton, Birmingham, Bradford, Leeds, Smethwick(wherever that is!).

Breaking down Luxembourg into locations for visitors you get, Luxembourg ( gee what are the odds) and Strassen strangely enough.

Then breaking down USA into locations for visitors you get Washington, Utah, Virginia, California, Connecticut, Arizona, Tennessee, New York, Texas and Idaho.

So in total there have been 3506 visits to my site since I started using analytics, with 9,282 page views, 2.65 average pages viewed per visit, a 67.03% bounce rate, 00.05:43 avg time on site and 19.65% new visits.

Now I have no idea what a large chunk of that means or why I would even want to know this but if it’s on the internet it must be true : - )

Plus it gives me no clue how to use this to increase the size of my vocal readership or any clue as to why I’ve just bothered rambling on about this. But I guess I just wanted to say to my silent readership that I know your there (mwah, ha, ha, ha all right that’s enough ) and I do appreciate your continued readership. It is helping me to keep writing.

Later folks!

As you asked

Well seeing as Drat asked in his comment on the post “ice ice baby” I thought I would expand on what happened when I wrote off my 1st car.

It was a Red Ford Fiesta and it happened back when I used to work for a different department at my company. This job meant I was on rotating shift patterns so I was on my way to work on a Saturday morning.

I suppose with the benefit of hindsight it was lucky this cold snap hit on a Saturday otherwise there would have been a lot more problems on the roads then there were.

The cold snap had hit the previous night and had been unexpected to no gritters had gritted the road the previous night. This combined with the right cold conditions the night before meant there was a lot of ice on the roads and not just normal ice but black ice as well. Of course I only know all this with the benefit of Hindsight, that morning I had no way of knowing this especially as the car had iced over so there was no indication to me that there was ice around and certainly no indication that as I started out for work I was heading directly towards a corner that had a sheet of Black Ice in the worst possible place.

In reference to Drats comment I wasn’t going to fast, in fact I was well within the speed limit for that stretch of road which probably helped me out.

When I hit the Ice I was going into the corner, I think I must have hit the edge of one side of the road, rebounded across the road whilst the car span 180 degrees at which point I encountered the other side of the road where the wheels dug into the verge. This particular corner went round the edge of a boggy field which was actually lower then the road and there was a slope. So as the car wheels had dug into the verge there was still enough power from the spinning to cause the car to flip and go down into the field. It rolled I think about one and a half times before coming to rest roof down.

Now again figuring out what happened was easy with the benefit of Hindsight. In fact it took me far longer to write that explanation that it took for it to happen. It was literally over in seconds, if that. It all happened far too quickly for me to react at all. There was just a sensation of spinning, and turning over and the realisation that something had just gone horribly, horribly wrong.

Three things occurred to me at that moment, firstly I was upside down, secondly the radio was still playing and thirdly the engine was still running, which immediately jolted me into action as I realised that, that couldn’t be good. I turned the engine off, then the radio and finally there was silence apart from the creak of metal as the car continued to rock gently. I knew I had to get out of there but I shouldn’t move just yet. I slowly did a quick check of all my toes, then my feet, then my legs, then my fingers etc. To my reliever everything responded and there was no pain. I decided that the risk of moving was greatly outweighed by the risk of staying in an upside down car with a full tank of petrol.

So I undid my seat belt and which point I realised that I had been so concentrated on trying to get out and releasing my seat belt I had forgotten the one thing which was blindly obvious. I was upside down and I hadn’t braced myself.

Bang…

I managed to get my arms up to protect my head and neck but the rest of me fell full length again the roof of the car and there’s not many times you can say that. I did a quick check and realised that getting out might not be as easy as I imagined. The car was at a angle face down as it were, this field was very wet and very boggy. So yes it complicated matters but it probably helped to absorb most of the impact. The windscreen was face down to the ground, the passenger side door was also buried into the ground. The boot was pointing sky high and I could see daylight but I didn’t dare climb back down the car if I could avoid it as I had no idea what that would do or if it would unbalance things making them worse. That left the drivers side door. I was also getting wet at this point as the sunroof had smashed and water was starting to leak in. Not much mind you before anyone gets any images of the car sinking!

I tried the door and to my relief I heard it unlock I pulled the door handle and tried to open it and it did. For about two centimetres then it stuck. What I didn’t know at this time as I couldn’t see was the car had dug itself in at the bottom of the slope. This meant the drivers side was very close to the slope jamming the door. The Fiesta was only a three door, drivers side, passenger side and boot in case anyone was wondering why I didn’t try the back doors.

I realised I could be in serious trouble here. I tried the door again and it moved a fraction more, I was starting to have visions at this point of having to be cut out of the car by the Fire brigade when I heard voices. Not the usual voices in my head : - )Two drivers from the other direction had been passing and had almost driven by thinking the upside car in the middle of the field was a result of somebody’s drink driving the previous night when they realised the lights were still on so decided to stop to investigate.

When they realised I was still in there they initially advised that I shouldn’t move but I assured them I was fine and that I just needed to get out. I also might have used one or two words to emphasis my urgent desire to get out of the car which probably would get me into a lot of trouble if I ever use it round my parents. With a combination of me pushing and them pulling and kicking the door I was able to squeeze out of the car. I sat down at the top of the slope whilst they rang for an ambulance, feeling slightly bemused and feeling like a age had just passed where I’m sure it was only less then five minutes.

The police arrived and parked and one of the officers slipped on some ice as he was getting out of the car. He gingerly walked across the road, smiled and said
“ Let me guess what happened”
The ambulance then arrived and they checked me out, saying I seemed fine but I could go to hospital if I wanted. I politely declined the request as everything seemed okay.

Tapdance and speed demon also appeared as I had called them at somepoint to let them know what was going on. We then had to rush home to find my breakdown cover details as we were going to have to organise recovery of the Car.

It took them a while to arrive as I wasn’t the only one who had encountered ice that morning. The recovery guys admitted I was there fourth recovery of the morning. In fact someone else had encountered ice on the same road and came off the road just over the horizon.

The car looked quite sorry when she was turned back onto her wheels. She was a pretty good car and hadn’t caused me that many problems unlike some of my later cars. I’d had a small hope admitally quite stupidly that she might be okay but I now knew she was a write off from the way the roof was bashed up. It also seemed that when she rolled she took the brunt of the impact on the passenger side of the roof, which combined with the low speed and the boggy field is probably what allowed me to walk away.

Due to work I had to organise getting a new car pretty quickly. In fact I ended up with another Ford Fiesta, which was also red and was also the same reg ( i.e. started with the same letter) so do the casual observer there was no difference and if I didn’t say they would be none the wiser.

I had problems trying to get the contents of the car back the recovery people. Despite having been the one driving, it was my cover that recovered the car, having the MOT certificate, insurance certificate, proof of ownership and being able to tell them everything that was in the car when I went there they said they won’t give the contents to me as the car was registered to my Mum. However if I were to bring a letter from her saying it was okay for me to collect the contents they would give them to me. It didn’t have to be a signed letter mine you or even a hand written one, one printed off from the computer would be fine.

Yeah, they hadn’t thought that set of procedures through at all had they?

I stayed with the new Fiesta for a couple of years I think, if I’ve remembered that correctly until I reached that point you do with all old cars that the cost of repairs outweighs the benefit of simply buying another car. She needed £400 of welding to pass her next MOT!

So at which point I traded her in for my current car, my KA which to be honest is probably going to be reaching the ‘trade in’ point soon.

anyway,

later folks!

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

One of them days

I've been sitting here yet again struggling to think of something to write but the words just haven't been coming. Today has just seemed like a groundhog day in the extreme and I just seem to be having them far too often at present.

It's probably not helping that I still have this bug and it's just seems to be draining my energy something cronic right now and of course when I get low on energy I tend to lie around doing a lot of thinking and when I start thinking I start wondering and when I start wondering I usually end by brooding and when I'm brooding I can start to feel depressed and when I'm depressed I feel low on energy and the whole entertaining little cycle starts again.

Sorry, I know I'm not being my usual 'Happy' self today.

I think part of the problem right now is that I've not got a 'project' for want of a better term to keep my full attention. Yes Top secret project one is still on the go and I still do my painting but I've got to a point now where neither of them are stretching me too much right now and that's bad because if I don't have something to keep my attention I do tend to brood big time. So I'm trying to think of a new project which will tie into one of my interests or something new which will keep my attention. Any suggestions anyone?

I suppose if I'm honest my dejected mood right now is also down to the amount of couples that seem to be around right now both at work and YSA wise. Don't get me wrong I'm happy for all of them and glad they have relationships, it justs highlights the fact that I don't have one. Which I know is again an example of me being sad and brooding on things I shouldn't do but that's what happens if I have too much time to myself to 'analyise things'.

Oh well as they say these things are sent to try us and I'll just have to keep plodding along even though the road seems all too long right now with no goal in sight...........

Wow I really am feeling sorry for myself right now aren't I? I really need to shake this cough and cold so I can shake this brooding and feeling of no energy.

Either that or take a stupidly large amount of sugar and caffine every day until the bug goes away.

Later folks!

Monday, October 06, 2008

Ice Ice baby

I don't like Monday mornings at the best of times and this morning was no exception. I got up late, didn't have time for Breakfast and rushed outside to the car to discovered the windscreen was iced up. Yes you read that right we're in the second week of October and we've already got ice! This meant I had to make a frantic search for the de icer in the garage then had a fraught journey to work as driving in Icey Conditions, really really puts me on edge. This is because for those of you who don't know when I had my first car I had an encounter with a patch of black ice which meant I wrote the car off. Not only did i go off the road the darn thing also rolled over! Fortunatly the worse I suffered was a pulled muscle in my neck although I didn't help myself when in a effort to get out of the car I unbuckled my seatbelt and had one of those moments that stretched out when I realised that was a remarkably stupid idea as I was upside down and hadn't braced myself at all.

Yes you guessed it. Bang!

Anyway enough of the flashbacks. Work was quite good, asides from lots of people are coming down with coughs and colds right now. If the canteen could sell lemsips their'd probably make a fortune right now.

I got home to find Grumpy in a bad mood. Apparently Owen had been a real pain today not only did he rip some post up he also managed to break his collar. Although he didn't explain how Owen did that as they were on their way out to their training lesson.

Anyway that's all for today. I've got to go and do some prep for this weeks Friday forum.

Later folks!

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Bleugh

Well it seems that I just can't shake this winter bug as I've now developed a full on cold as well! Bleugh, I hate feeling sick!

Feeling under the weather I decided to forgo going to the stake centre to watch the general conference and decided to watch it online instead. Not the most social way of watching the conference I admit but I thought people would have got annoyed with me sitting there coughing and sniffing the whole way through.

Owen was most confused whilst I was watching though as he was trying to figure out where the voices were coming from as we don't usually watch stuff on the computer!

Asides from watching the conference online I've been taking it easy and making sure I take some lemsips. As I wouldn't mind this cold disappearing very, veery quickly.

I wouldn't mind at all

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Twas a dark and stormy night

I'm currently sitting in Grumpys office whilst writing this post. It's extremely wet and windy outside right now. It's the kind of weather that makes you glad that someone invented central heating. Yes that's right we're barely into October and we're already having to start using the heating as it's getting that cold already! Maybe this means that theres a chance we might actually get some decent snow this year as opposed to the small amount we usually get.

Owens been a real pain all day. For some reason he's just seemed to be in one of those moods. We also got back from shopping to find that he's moved from hiding the post to ripping some of it up. Grumpy was most annoyed, especially as Owen had only ripped up the junk mail and left the bills alone!

I saw the new series Merlin for the first time tonight. It was good, much better then Robin Hood. Which I suppose is only to be expected considering they have Richard Wilson, John Hurt and Antony Head all appeared as characters. They also had Michelle Ryan appearing as the bad 'guy'.

And she was a lot better in this then she was in 'Bionic Woman'. However she probably was handicapped in that by them shoe horing in the 'annoying kid sister'.

However watching this did remind me (and yes I know this was a slightly odd that watching this program reminded me of this but as my memory is darn near photographic sometimes you'd be surprised at what I can remember), of a time in my final year at uni I was sitting in the hall common room with the other guys from the hall and one of them made a reference to one of the actresses and said she was in his 'top five'. When we asked what he meant he explained he meant who he thought were the 'top five' actresses he liked on TV. The other guys rattled off their top five then I did. There was a stunned silence in the room, one of the other guys asked me why I had joined in. I asked him what he meant, he then replied that he thought I wouldn't rate actresses like that as I was a Mormon. I simply smiled and replied " Yes, Mormon not monk". As the saying goes if you look once your a Man, look twice your not an Elder"

Physics response to that saying when we said this one time whilst travelling to General conference

" thats right. Which is why you make sure your one look is a nice and long one"

Later folks!

Friday, October 03, 2008

Well at least my day went better then his

Imagine the scene, Your a British TV presenter and your interviewing a oscar nominated Hollywood star. She starts to describe her heritage and you listen intently, what's the worse that could happen?

Well it could be the same as what happened to presenter Eamon Homes this morning whilst interviewing Salma Hayek. When she was describing her heritage and explaining she was half LEBANESE he mishead her and then asked her " You're half LESBIAN?"

Me thinks he's going to take him a very long time to live that one down.

The shop chain TX Max was in the news today as they were selling a coat that came complete with a knife attached to the coat by a chain. When asked about it they said

'Recently we became aware that a Swiss-branded coat on sale in store included a pocket penknife as a promotional gift. Once aware of this issue, we followed all necessary procedures to remove the items swiftly from the supply chain."

Now I don't know whats more worrying here the fact that they were selling a coat complete with a knife or the fact that they don't appear to have been aware that they were selling one!

The PC brigade have struck again or rather Supernanny is under attack by the UN, I kid you not! Apparently UN Advisors claim that shows like Supernanny infringe children's dignity, invade their privacy and portray them 'in a terrible light'.

They also expressed concern about high levels of poverty, teenage imprisonment, public attitude to children and Britain's failure to tell youngsters about their UN-guaranteed rights. No mention is made of the fact that most kids who appear on the show act like little demons and have pushed their parents to breaking point, whilst other parents who watch the show are thankful that their not their kids.

Of course said UN advisors who probably get paid an obscene amount of money to do nothing, said nothing about reality shows like Big Brother. Apparently it seems as far as their concerned when you become an adult if you go on a show that infringes your dignity, invades your privacy and portrays you in a terrible light then tough.

Speaking of Big brother apparently a new drama style thingie ( i honestly have no idea what to calssify it as) will be starting on Channel 4 which is set in the Big brother house. Yes we've got to that point where we're literally making Drama shows out of Reality ones. Apparently in the show the contestants are unaware that Zombies have started roaming the country ( I will refrain from making the obivous joke there) and of course everything starts to go horribily, horribly wrong in the best horror movie tradition. Lots of people say it looks rubbish and terrible. That it may do but it still can't be any worse that the last series of the 'real' big brother.

Anyway it's the weekend now. Time to relax for another two days and try and do something constructive with my free time.

And who knows I might even manage it.

later folks :-)

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Drained

Well I thought I was getting over the first winter bug I had picked up, but it seems I was wrong as it decided to come back today as when I woke up my throat was hurting once again. I've also felt really drained and tired all day. I resisted the temptation to go and get anything with sugar or caffeine but it was a close run thing!

Asides from feeling a bit 'bleugh' it was actually a fairly okay day. I managed to get a fair bit done at work as it was a fairly quiet day and on the plus side it's only one more day until the weekend. Yaah! Of course if I'm stil suffering from this cough and cold I'll probably be spending most of the weekend crashed out doing not much at all.

I saw in the news today Apple are threatening to close their Itunes stores over some argument over the increase in royalty payments. Which means after finally get a ipod it might prove to be a bit useless if they shut the store down. I'm sure this is a empty threat as otherwise they would annoy far too many customers in one go for it to be good for business!

Asides from that it's been a fairly standard day which is really annoying when it comes to try and write about it! But still I'm still on course to do at least one post for every day this year that I've been able to. Yes, yes I know the YSA conference weekend doesn't count.

Anyway, I'm going to curl up on the settee next to the radiator and watch a DVD.

Yes I lead an exciting life these days don't I folks?

Later!

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Saxon The musical

I tend to listen to certain songs when I'm in certain moods. For example if I'm in a good mood and fancy singing along to the music I tend to go with a song like Fraggle Rock or You can't hurry love by phil collins. If I'm in a mood where I need 'pumping up' or psyched up I tend to listen to something like Phat planet by Leftfield or Prediator by Globus. However I heard a song today which I haven't been able to get out of my head. It's the new one by Nickelback and is just great and I think it's going to be my new 'my song'. Yes a bit Sad I know but hey this is me we're talking about :-)

It's called Gotta Be somebody and when I can get round to setting up a youtube account I will see if I can post the video of it but until then here are the lyrics;

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my own breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it all on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And damnit this means too right, it's just like de ja vu
Me standing here with youSo I'll be holding my own breath,could this be the end
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it all on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

You can't give up, looking for a diamond in the rough
The wind shows up, make sure you're holding on
Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on
Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me, oh

Nobody wants to do it all on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

I'm sure long term readers will be able to guess why this song 'spoke to me' as it were.

later folks